COURAGE

At one time, I had in my office, hanging on the wall, these words from Thomas Merton: “Without courage we can never attain to true simplicity. Cowardice keeps us ‘double minded’ -- hesitating between the world and God.  In this hesitation, there is no true faith -- faith remains an opinion. We are never certain, because we never quite give in to the authority of an invisible God.” 

I must have removed this quotation from my wall, consciously, for some practical reason. Unconsciously, I’m sure I took it down, because I couldn’t endure the weight and confrontation of such words indefinitely.  I pray I am more ready to face this truth now.  Needless to say, I seem to be getting encouragement from all sides on this topic. Just today, a friend of mine shared this (something he found online from a Bishop somewhere) about braveness: “You understand what the right thing to do is, you do your prayer, and you go and do it… Once you create around you respect - a distance to keep you who you are and a respect of others’ space - then the others cannot easily influence what you are doing. And you will be more free to be brave.” 

For me, it has always been “others” that are the problem.  In this instance, I don’t mean, exactly, that others are the problem.  More precisely, it’s my perception of what others might think of me that’s the problem.  And so, a completely referential way of life develops.  Am I a man or a man in the mirror?  Everything I do or might do passes through a mental reference to the opinions and judgements of others.  Of course, I hope they approve.  I really hope they praise.  I really, really hope they think me special in some way.  And this is how I get stuck, how I become more and more a coward.  O Lord, save me - as only You can - from this nonsense.